Twist for this story? Third time lucky.?

This isn't a story, this is an excerpt. Your overuse of adverbs and adjectives is gratingly amateurish, and somehow it manages to be redundant and oxymoronic at the same time. She doesn't know who he is but he is 'familiar'? She 'stammered shakily' - as opposed to stammering confidently? On top of all that, I still can't figure out what is going on. Now go to your room and have a good long think about what you've done.